Sunday, 11 March 2012

Ummi's Confession

It's late night and ummi still up trying much to get back my momentum & focus struggle progressing my fyp.As usual at these times when stressed,Hamzah you'll be ummi's source of happiness & calming feeling.All ummi need to do during breaks is to look into my iphone's photo & video album to see hundreds of your photo & videos throughout your almost 2 years of growing up.Ummi missing your presence at this time as you are sleeping soundly without a care in the world as i know in your view of your little world,everything is ok & you are happy.Alhamdulillah,ummi am glad Allah has blessed us this much sayang.
Watching you growing up never fails me to realize how great Allah SWT is in creating humanbeings.Never a day goes by it surprises ummi to see you grow from a newborn,a baby & now a toddler well on his way soon to become a pre schooler.
Ummi confess,i am no perfect mother.I am always struggling as well each day figuring out how to remain strongly focused mentally,spiritually & physically in motherhood whilst raising you up.I do feel scared at times,overwhelmed that such responsibility requires ummi to strive much more in myself.Can i be the best mother,parent,teacher,friend, confidant in your life?However it is on daily basis off course,ummi will carelessly brush away those queasy feeling as the truth is that whatever the challenges maybe it sums up to an amazing experience growing up with you my son :) We'll meet bumps and rocks along the way but insyaAllah ummi pray always Allah will keep us both close under his care and guidance.
Maybe I am just feeling this way as Hamzah anak pertama ummi.So every little detail of you is well imprinted in ummi's memory storage.While thinking of you tonight,looking at past photos of you made me miss those moments all the same all the way back when you were safely growing in my womb for 9 months,the moment you were delivered & thus ready to explore this world with ummi.

Ummi and Hamzah@4 months plus growing on board(1 jan 2010)

Ummi & Hamzah just a few weeks more to go before delivering you :) Indeed though i was still clueless at the time in this photo of what to expect in having you in my life soon,but then Ummi's love really comes as how Allah has given to all mothers & that's UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to own child :)

Now this is you Hamzah, mashaAllah!!Growing up too fast to carry your own diaper bag:)

The 2 photos of ummi with Hamzah on board back in 2010 made ummi flash back into thinking of how clueless and innocent i was into embracing the experience of carrying you for 9 months Hamzah.At those times ummi wasn't sure of what to expect since i haven't experience taking care of babies.The only thing i know at this time with a smile,that your coming presence will be a promise of more happiness in our family,a key to keeping our family closer together.
However from the moment you were born,ummi quickly realised it is more than just that.It takes real maturity & own growth in ummi to grasp this idea of being a parent to you my son.Ummi will always face challenges being a mother to you from time to time & as worrying as it sounds,insyaAllah ummi will always doa to Allah for you and i to be placed under his blessing and love.May Allah grant my doa's.
On top of your cheeky smiles,sweet kisses and hugs,curious looks and occasional toddler tantrums,best of all thank you Hamzah in being the best reason for Ummi to continue learning on being a stronger grown up person as a individual & first time mother:)

- By Ummi to Hamzah, Posted using BlogPress